... I can only assume that most utopian visions (like that which I held about my marriage) fail from apathy due to a lack of the consistent self-discipline necessary to embody the vision and "become the change we want to see in the world." Any full-blown spiritual event ... can naturally expose the futility and the illusion of ego. In a naive attempt to preserve spiritual revelation, many ego-trashing dogmas have been created. Taken to heart, any anti-ego hippie belief can easily lead to a "why bother?" apathy masked by a "just mellow out and go with the flow" fatalism. As it turns out, a strong, flexible ego is necessary to manifest our innermost dreams in the external world at large. Any attempt to hold onto a dream, without the self-work to embody it, keeps that dream alive in the mind alone.
~ Anterro Alli, in his new book, The Eight-Circuit Brain.
Now that the wreckage of my primary relation has also been laid bare, it is time to sift through the smoulders for clues. It's been thirteen days now since the explosion of illusion and awareness ...
Fatalism. I won't give in to it.
Fatalism is one of the awful hallmarks of chronic depression ... and is evident in the aftermath of shock, when all that's familiar and life-sustaining has been ripped away.
I won't give in.
(P.S. I still can't post links or upload images to this blog ... Anyone who uses Blogger: have you figured out the changes to posting that they've made? Can you help me out in any way?)